Christine Sheldrake’s Tribute To Her Mum - 10 Years On – 2025

Mum…
She is always with you;
She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street;
She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, the flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself;
She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well;
She’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day;
She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colours of the rainbow;
She is Christmas morning;
Your mother lives inside your laughter;
She’s the place you came from and she’s the map you follow with every step you take;
She is your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you;
Not time, not space …. Not even death.
Written by Deborah R Culver

I remember when Mum passed away, I was in shock and felt numb, like I couldn’t breathe, even though I knew Mum’s time with us had come to a close. On the days following Mum’s death, I tried to give myself time and space to grieve on my own. But in truth, it took much longer to grieve than I thought.

During this time, I thought about how Nana O’Brien passed away at such at a relatively young age unexpectedly and how my Pa, my mother and her siblings coped with the shock and devastating news at the loss of their mum. I never knew Nana as I was not born when she passed away. Mum described Nana as a happy, gentle soul who adored her family and Mum adored her.

During this time, I thought about how Mum lived a very full, long, happy, mostly healthy and eventful life with her children and grandchildren and extended family, who all adored her. She travelled extensively throughout the world in her lifetime.

During this time, I also thought Mum wouldn’t want me to grieve for her unnecessarily. Instead, she would want me to move forward with my children and grandchildren, putting into practice everything she taught me about love, gratitude and forgiveness. I know I carry a small part of her in my heart which will never leave me. So, each day I wake up, I am grateful for my children and grandchildren and the people who make, or who have made, my life worthwhile, including my Mum.

I have 4 children and 6 grandchildren, so far! I believe it’s now my time to develop and continue with those happy memories with Peter and my children and grandchildren, as their mother and grandmother. My granddaughter’s name is ‘Coco Claire’, in memory of Mum, who passed away while my daughter was pregnant with Coco.

I found the above poem, which I didn’t write, but which helped me to understand that Mum’s memory would always live on in the simple things in my everyday life.

So, I remember Mum every day in the simple things in everyday life:…..……

I remember … the large gardenia shrub with its beautiful scent in our backyard at Tulloh Street, which always reminds me of Mum and Christmas. I have since planted 2 gardenia shrubs in my yard in Mum’s memory.

I remember … the Portulacas which adorned the garden window boxes at the front of the house at Tulloh Street with their bright colours and which are now centrepiece on my outdoor dining table. They also remind me of my Mum.

I remember … Christmas was always a special time for Mum and our family. I have carried on those traditions with my family each year by cooking a grand, traditional family feast using some of the same recipes, where the food and wine is plentiful. Where the long Christmas table is adorned with the must-have Christmas bush, special table cloths, napkins and table decorations that are matching in the Christmas theme, just like Mum used to do. The Christmas tree is usually over-dressed with special baubles and lights and presents stacked underneath then restacked by different family members over the course of the season. My children and grandchildren so look forward to Christmas each year with happiness and excitement. These special Christmas traditions were instilled by Mum.

Christmas at the Gables

Christmas at the Sheldrakes

I remember … the smell of the cakes, slices and dinners Mum used to make and now I regularly make those same cakes, slices and dinners today with my children and grandchildren. My grandchildren love homemade cooking, ….. like Fairy Cakes, Sausage Rolls, Apple Pie, Almond Crescents, Melting Moments, Christmas Cake, Banana Cake, Brown Betty, Lemon Delicious Pudding, Date Twirl, Beef Stroganoff and Pancake Day. I still have some of Mum’s cookbooks. Both my children and my grandchildren love to cook these recipes. Birthday and wedding cakes were a specialty for Mum who created many masterpieces using fondant icing and piping for each of the family. Mum made my wedding cake which included the family Christmas Cake recipe which I still cook today.

I remember … Mum was a talented dressmaker. She would make wedding dresses for extra cash, some of which was used so that we could go on holidays to Avoca. Mum taught me how to sew, even though I’m not very good. I have her sewing machine and her sewing box which includes sentimental items of old buttons, old cottons and old scissors belonging to Mum. My grandchildren often ask if they can search through or clean up those special sewing boxes and they play with them constantly when they visit.

I remember … how much Mum was a fashionista! Mum would match her outfit to her shoes, even co-ordinating her shade of lipstick and accessories for her outfit!! She would never leave the house without the mandatory lippy. Most of all, Mum adored shoes!! She would often buy shoes for their look or colour only or to match a certain outfit, dismissing the height of the heels and enduring their discomfort in an effort to look co-ordinated. I must admit I have inherited Mum’s shoe fetish!

I remember … how much Mum loved music and singing. Mum sang at the church at Mass some Sundays. When I was younger, I used to cringe a little when Mum sang at church but as I got older, I appreciated Mum’s singing more. At family functions, Mum loved singing while Uncle Alf played the piano.

I remember … how much Mum loved movies and going to the cinema. She especially had a soft spot for old movies like Gone with the Wind, Sound of Music, Doctor Zhivago, Mrs Miniver, to name just a few. When I see those movies now, I often think of Mum and how she loved the stories and all the costumes. It was a great escape for Mum.

I remember … how much Mum loved entertaining. Mum made sure that our home at Willoughby was filled with laughter, music, parties and dinner parties with extended family. My friends from school and college were always allowed to stay at our home overnight. It was an open house policy and everyone felt welcome.

I remember … Mum loved to fossick through ‘Vinnies’ or other second-hand shops or garage sales to pick up that so-called ‘bargain’. I would regularly go with Mum on these bargain hunts. Mum could pinpoint a bargain in these shops instantly. I still love dropping into second-hand stores and garage sales to find that special piece, to rejuvenate a piece of furniture, or find a new jacket or dress which usually needs some adjustment with the sewing machine, just as Mum did.

I remember and miss my long conversations with Mum about everything and anything that often lasted for over an hour, both in person and on the phone, where Mum would offer her advice or opinions, be understanding or just listen without judgment. We would always have a laugh. I miss those conversations.

I remember … how much Mum loved a glass of wine at parties or as she would say, ‘wine o’clock’ with a cheese platter of her favourite brie and prosciutto with a glass of ‘chardy’ close by.

In my Eulogy to Mum at her funeral, I recounted a funny story about Mum when the pregnancy of my first grandchild was announced. You can read about it here.

Mum and Dad separated when I was around 5 years old. I don’t remember anything about those days. Even though the separation could have made my family’s life unstable, I didn’t lament about it over the years because I always felt loved and supported by Mum. When I look back, I admired Mum’s inner strength both emotionally and spiritually, as a single parent with 5 children. Mum’s inner strength rubbed off on me. I believe it made me pragmatic, independent and resilient in life.

We moved from Turramurra to Willoughby, a 5 minute drive from Aunty Gwen to be closer to Mum’s family for support. Our home was always filled with Mum’s extended family, who often stayed for short visits or were calling in for a luncheon or dinner.

I often stayed at Aunty Gwen’s house with Simon where I had a close relationship with Rob and David who was the same age as me and in some of my classes at Willoughby Infants and Willoughby Primary School. Rob and David were so funny and used to tell Simon and I the most hysterical stories and play tricks on Aunty Gwen and Aunty Bessie. It was always fun staying at Aunty Gwen’s house because she was the most amazing cook and there was lots of laughter.

Aunty Gwen always had a cake, slice or whipped up a morning tea or dinner on the kitchen table when we visited or stayed overnight. The kettle was always on the boil for a cuppa. I especially loved Aunty Gwen’s very tasty, “spag bol” on toast and Banana Cake or chocolate caramel slice. Uncle Alf was always joking, and I remember his amazing record collection on the covered veranda and his skills on the piano where Mum used to sing along at family get-togethers. Aunty Bessie, who was a sweet, gentle person, was usually helping clean in the kitchen, while David used to secretly untie her apron. I’m sure she had a giggle too.

Chris and Aunty Bessie - Front row centre

Mum also visited Aunty Helen and her family regularly at Rouse Hill. I remember sleeping over with Jenny, Trisha, Janey and little Helen. Aunty Helen had a great sense of humour and was warm and fun to be with, just like Mum. Mum also visited Uncle Reg and his family. Narelle and I were around the same age and they would attend family get-togethers at Mum’s house. Some school holidays Mum and Aunty Gwen would take us on a road trip to Aunty Joan’s and Uncle Jack’s homes in Armidale. Those country road trips were always fun and a chance to catch up with cousins, aunts and uncles, away from city life in Sydney.

However, my fondest childhood memories with Mum and the family are the summer holidays we spent in Avoca for 2 weeks each year. These holidays were spent with Aunty Gwen’s family and initially with Aunty Joan’s family.

Avoca was family, cousins, laughter, beach days, days on pedalboats, walks along the beach, movies at Avoca Beach theatre, white zinc, burnt noses and shoulders, pineapple tarts, fresh bread from the bakery, card games, sleeping end to end with your cousins. When I reached High School, Mum would often allow a girlfriend from school to stay too. Mum’s policy was ‘the more the merrier!’.

Because of Avoca, I love the beach. It’s why I live on the beach. Every day, Peter and I walk along the beach. It puts me in a good place spiritually and physically. It reminds me of Avoca, and it reminds me of Mum. It’s because of Avoca and those happy, fun-filled days that started my passion about the coast. Some of Mum’s ashes are now scattered at Bawley Point headland.

My children and grandchildren have continued this type of lifestyle at Bawley Point. They often express to me how they loved their beach life upbringing of surfing, diving, fishing and bonfires on the beach with marshmallows, which we now continue with my grandchildren. And I tell them about my days at Avoca, which was only 2 weeks of the year, and how grateful I was to have those 2 fun weeks each year with extended family and how lucky they were being brought up on the beach all year round.

My children and now my grandchildren have read the books of ‘The O’Brien Family History’ and of course, ‘Growing up on Cooberang’ and the stories of how Mum’s family arrived in Australia from Ireland and how the family were brought up on the property at Junee and eventually moved to Neutral Bay in Sydney.

My children and grandchildren are amazed at how hard it was for Nana to prepare homemade puff pastry when they can just pull ready-made sheets of puff pastry out of the freezer to make homemade sausage rolls…. which is their favourite recipe!

The stories and memories of my Mum in the simple things in everyday life will always be cherished through the generations from my children to my grandchildren and great grandchildren and well beyond.

I miss you so much Mum and think of you every day!

Written by Chris Sheldrake, augmented with photos and last updated 2 September 2025

Christine Sheldrake’s Tribute To Her Mum - 10 Years On – 2025

Christine Sheldrake’s Eulogy to her Mum - August 2015